#1. I’m so glad you’re submitting for the musical! So. I read your cover letter (cute!). A few times. And–wait, I’ll double check again…Okay. So. Just one question. Which role specifically do you want to be considered for?
I wouldn’t recommend any unless you really can sing any*.
As much as I love browsing through all the shows you did in college, picking out the musicals, and guessing whether your Ensemble role at Insert College Here means you’re a soaring high tenor or a booming bass, would you do me a favor and really, really clearly state, “I really, really, really wanna be So-and-so.”
I won’t even consider you desperate, I promise!
#2. Hurrah for breaking social norms and gender bending!!!!!! However. If the show has already been cast. And I need a male understudy. To understudy a male. I’m sorry ladies, I’m just gunna say it: It ain’t gunna happen. Prove me wrong*, but you’ll have to fight through 7 gazillion 20-something white males that are already, well, male. Maybe save us both the extra couple of seconds and submit for somethin’ else?
*And maybe not on a Friday. Tuesday? Okay, try. But Friday?
#3. The more pictures, the not merrier. I love photos!* I do. But I don’t need every angle of you. I really, really don’t. I’m sorry. I just don’t.
*And selfies? Nahhhhh. It’s okay. You can keep them!
#4. So it’s been awhile and you haven’t heard back from me and you could totally tell that the message you received when you submitted (TWO WEEKS AGO) was automated. (What!? The “Hi Actor!” intro gave me away!?)
Hey, don’t take it personally.
So many submissions. I’m telling you. And maybe it’s something weird, like, ‘we need the dude to have a baby face,’ or ‘we need him/her to have at least X-amount of Chicago credits.’
Don’t freak out.
But then again, maybe you won’t. Maybe you aren’t.
Because if you’re doing it, really living the life of an actor, you’re doing it because you can’t do anything else. You have to. This is what you do.
And I respect that.
So much so, actually, that I’m committed to helping you, that one lucky YOU, get the ONE role that fits you in this musical.
Even on a Friday.
Happy weekend, Chicago.