It appears that as November clips by, I am facing–once again–a time of transition. (Am I sounding like a broken record?) My internship @ Goodman is now over half complete, and come January, well, who knows!
I try not to look at the unknown as a negative. In some ways, it’s a blessing to have a future that’s wide open and full of possibilities. I have a lot of options on my plate, and by no means feel ‘stuck.’ Whoohoo!
That, and what an experience! I have learned SO. MUCH.
That being said, as I weigh my options for the winter months (because let’s face it, anything beyond March is just too far out there–that, and my brain is clearly still programmed in the semester system), everything seems so fricken multilayered. And it’s frustrating, frankly.
I’m finding that it’s easy to get bogged down.
For example: (Whoofta. I’ve already retyped this ten times. How do I summarize?) I’m considering not just my experience at Goodman, but my experience in theater in Chicago. I’m considering not just theater in Chicago, but theater in a city setting. I’m considering not just theater in a city setting, but theater in the city setting compared to my prior experiences of theater on a more rural (but equally valuable!) setting.
The ‘considering’ moves outside art too. How do I feel about living in a city? How do I feel knowing that my background (as someone who heralds from the corn fields of South Dakota) impacts my answer to that question? How much do you cling to what you know, how much do you push towards something unfamiliar?
Yesterday one of my fellow interns shared a blog on Facebook called “Treat Your Acting Career Like a Journey.” It’s short and sweet–but it was the end quote by John Holt that I especially liked: “The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don’t know what to do.”
Granted, I don’t know much about Mr. Holt (education people, help me out?). He could be crazy. But this quote makes sense to me, and I’ve taken it on as a new challenge or reminder.
Because (intellect kicking in here) the reality is that I will NOT answer all those questions and the millions of others I didn’t write. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not by the time my internship ends in January. And maybe never. Who knows!
What I CAN do, however, is work to appreciate what I DO have in my life. My lovely friend and ‘boss,’ Erica, recently talked about this with me (it was a slow morning at work…!). Practice gratitude. Pour into life that kind of positive, thankful energy, and trust the rest will work out.
She suggested writing it down, somewhere I would see often. I opted to add pictures (embarrassing, but oh so fun). And so, ta-da! Baby gratitude wall!
Today, I’m thankful for the beautiful weather. I’m thankful for the sound of leaves crunching under my shoes. I’m thankful that I have a part-time job to earn money. I’m thankful for blogs that give me space to articulate and share (even if me and my fam are the only ones reading!). And I’m thankful for wherever God sends me next as I prepare for the holidays and post-internship life.
Deep breath, and here we go! Happy Saturday!