Sunday morning we officially closed Season 45 at the Red Barn Summer Theatre. Less than 24 hours later, I began my internship at the Goodman Theatre in downtown Chicago. There are transitions. And then there are transitions that go so quickly, you’re not sure if you’ve even transitioned yet–if your brain has caught up with your body, or if it ever will. Maybe there’s a piece of me permanently stuck in central Indiana due to the extreme whiplash of moving to the city so quickly. Who knows.
At this point, I don’t have a lot of insight to offer. Frankly, I’m not sure I ever have insight–but I usually at least have ‘musings.’ I don’t even have that. Maybe by the weekend I can write a better report of my closing days at Red Barn and the move to Chicago.
In the meantime, there’s this:
I took my beloved book (Nouwen’s “The Inner Voice of Love”) with me to read on my first subway ride to work Monday morning. I chose at random where to begin reading. Somewhere between the Granville stop and the Loop, I ended up with a section that went something like this:
“Your instinct for survival makes you run away and go looking for something else that can give you a sense of at-homeness, even though you know full well that it can’t be found out in the world. You have to trust that your experience of emptiness is not the final experience, that beyond it is a place where you are being held in love…The more roots you have in the new place, the more capable you are of mourning the loss of the old place…You have to weep over your lost pains so that they can gradually leave you and you can become free to live fully in the new place without melancholy or homesickness.”
Maybe it’s okay to have times in your life where everything goes so fast you can’t comprehend it. Maybe ‘just going’ is just as meaningful and potentially enlightening as gradually arriving, or slowly crawling, or steadily jogging. I’m beginning to think that, sometimes, when my mind is too busy and blurred to sort things out itself, that might be a beautiful (and much needed) opportunity to let someone else do the talking. That maybe this is the best time to read and watch, to just to soak it all in and listen for awhile.